my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
