also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
