Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
