when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
