Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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