Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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