I skipped work to stalk him.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
