I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
