i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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