If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
