There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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