we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
