I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am puke
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
