I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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