i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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