they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
