i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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