I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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