TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
