I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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