PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
