going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
