The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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