I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
