if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
