I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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