Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
