He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Randomize
