I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
