a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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