Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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