So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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