Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
