I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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