Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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