Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
