so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
