I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
