do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
