I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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