a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
