I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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