I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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