i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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