If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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