This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
