What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
