Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
