Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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