I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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