At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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