i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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