So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
