You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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